Today we will read a page in the book “Solstråleboken” Written by Trond Edvard Haukedal.
We are going to read a page in where he shares some of his thoughts on what a good life is. This book is all about motivation, self worth and self-management.
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First I will read to you the translation of the text, which is kept very close to the original in terms of phrasing to help you with understanding when I speak it in Norwegian.
Then I read it for you in Norwegian. Slowly. Before I - wait for it - share and repeat 50 words from the text in a hypnotic manner with layers and whispering to soothe you and help you get so relaxed - with the english translation to help you understand of course. I know you love this, because I can see it on my analytics over what most of you listen to again and again and how much of the episode you are listening to.
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So here we go. The text we are going to work with in Norwegian translated coming up.
The good life
In reality, we are all born winners, I stated in the introduction to this chapter. This is easy to forget. We have been given a life, but we want and demand something more. In addition to life itself, we would like to have a good life. What the success factors are in "the good life" and what is a good life, the scholars argue about. And the answer probably differs from person to person, from part of the world to part of the world, from society to society and from culture to culture. Author Thomas Hylland Eriksen claims in A-magazine in March 2008 that the good life is doing something useful or difficult, preferably for others. Happiness is something as simple as being able to use yourself in work. He is into important things. In our Western culture, happiness and the good life have been strongly associated with doing something meaningful and finding one's own meaning in life. I somewhat disagree with this definition of "the good life". Here we see the seeds of one of our society's greatest misfortunes: the development of the performance-oriented self-image. I believe instead that the most important principle and element of a good life is standing up for oneself. By this I mean being able to demand to be seen, assert one's opinion, speak up and have the right to remain silent if that is what we want. Everyone must be able to have the freedom to feel a responsibility to be their own subjective spokesperson. One must be able to set boundaries, prioritize and choose based on one's own criteria and point of view, and be able to do this in a form and in a way that does not affect others. Our positions will of course have consequences for others, but we must have the right to demand to be respected for who we are. An important aspect of a good life is therefore being able to experience the freedom to be an equal and assertive person.
In this lies the fundamental trust and security in ourselves that we need. It is difficult to imagine happiness and quality of life in the company of a person, namely yourself, if this association is not characterized by security and trust. The good life is thus about loyalty, about whom we should be able to trust and where our loyalty should go. Over the years, I have met many different people in my role as a psychologist. These are people who initially seek help because they struggle emotionally and feel that they are more or less on the wrong track in relation to "the good life". There are very different people, with very different problems and life situations. But a common thread is repeated according to my experiences and assessments: They have a life pattern where they are better at being something for others than for themselves. They are thus number two in their own lives and have developed a loyalty that goes to their surroundings and not to themselves. At the same time, we all nod and agree when someone claims that we cannot be something to others without being something to ourselves. The good life is therefore about, as the wise doctor and eminent author and speaker Ingvard Wilhelmsen writes about his latest book, "being king in your own life". This means that we listen to our own feelings and our own inner voice before we act.
Å få brukt seg selv |
To use oneself, make use of |
eminent |
eminently |
Enhver |
Anyone |
erfaringer |
experiences |
forestille |
imagine |
Forholde seg taus |
Be silent |
går igjen |
repeats |
Går ut over |
affects |
handler |
acts |
Hevde sin mening |
Assert ones opinion |
Hevder |
Claims |
i forhold til |
relative to |
i selskap med |
in company with |
I virkeligheten |
In reality |
ifølge |
according to |
indre stemme |
inner voice |
Inne på noe |
Into something |
klok |
wise |
Krever |
Requires |
Likeverdig |
Equal |
livmønster |
life pattern |
Lykke |
Happiness |
Meningsfylt |
Meaningful |
nemlig |
in fact |
nikker |
nods |
omgivelsene |
circumstances |
Oppleve |
Experience |
på villspor |
gone astray |
preget av |
characterized by |
således |
thus |
samvær |
togetherness, spend time with |
Selvhevdende |
Assertive |
Sette grenser |
Setting limits, boundries |
Si ifra |
Speak up |
sliter følelsesmessig |
struggling emotionally |
Spirene |
The sprouts |
Standpunkt |
Stand point |
Stille opp for |
Be there for, stand up for |
stole på |
trust |
Strides De lærde |
Strides The scholars |
svært |
very |
Talsmann og talskvinne |
Spokesman and spokeswoman |
Tilknytning |
attachment |
Tillit |
Trust |
Trolig |
Probably |
Trygghet |
Safety |
utgangspunkt |
base, starting point |
Utvikling |
Development |
Vesentige ting |
Essential things |
vurderinger |
assessments |
DET GODE LIVET
I virkeligheten fødes vi alle som vinnere, slo jeg fast i innledningen til dette kapittelet. Dette er det lett å glemme. Vi har fått et liv, men vi ønsker og krever noe mer. Vi vil, i tillegg til selve livet, gjerne ha et godt liv. Hva som er suksessfaktorene i «det gode livet» og hva som er et godt liv, om det strides de lærde. Og trolig er svaret forskjellig fra menneske til menneske, fra verdensdel til verdensdel, fra samfunn til samfunn og fra kultur til kultur. Forfatter Thomas Hylland Eriksen hevder i A-magasinet i mars 2008 at det gode liv er å gjøre noe nyttig eller vanskelig, gjerne for andre. Lykken er noe så enkelt som å få brukt seg selv i arbeid. Han er inne på vesentlige ting. I vår vestlige kultur har lykke og det gode livet hatt sterk tilknytning til det å gjøre noe meningsfylt og å finne sin egen mening med livet. Jeg er litt uenig med denne definisjonen av «det gode liv». Her ser vi spirene til en av vårt samfunns største ulykker: Utviklingen av det prestasjonsorienterte selvbildet. Jeg tror i stedet at det viktigste prinsippet og elementet i et godt liv er å stille opp for seg selv. Med dette mener jeg det å kunne kreve å bli sett, hevde sin mening, si ifra og ha rett til å forholde seg taus om det er det vi ønsker. Enhver må kunne ha frihet til å føle et ansvar for å være sin egen subjektive talsmann og talskvinne. Man må kunne sette grenser, prioritere og velge ut fra sine egne kriterier og standpunkt, og kunne gjøre dette med en form og på en måte som ikke går ut over andre. Våre standpunkt vil selvfølgelig få konsekvenser for andre, men vi må ha rett til å kreve å bli respektert for den vi er. Et viktig aspekt ved et godt liv er derfor det å kunne oppleve en frihet til å være et likeverdig og selvhevdende menneske.
I dette ligger den fundamentale tillit og trygghet til oss selv som vi trenger. Det er vanskelig å forestille seg lykke og livskvalitet i selskap med en person, nemlig deg selv, dersom dette samværet ikke er preget av trygghet og tillit. Det gode livet handler således om lojalitet, om hvem vi skal kunne stole på og hvor vår lojalitet skal gå. Gjennom årene har jeg møtt mange ulike mennesker i min rolle som psykolog. Dette er mennesker som i utgangspunktet søker hjelp fordi de sliter følelsesmessig og opplever at de er mer eller mindre på villspor i forhold til «det gode livet». Det er svært ulike mennesker, med svært ulike problemstillinger og livssituasjoner. Men en rød tråd går igjen ifølge mine erfaringer og vurderinger: De har et livsmønster der de er flinkere til å være noe for andre enn for seg selv. De er altså nr. to i sitt eget liv og har utviklet en lojalitet som går til omgivelsene og ikke til dem selv. Samtidig nikker vi alle og er enige når noen hevder at vi ikke kan være noe for andre uten å være noe for oss selv. Det gode livet handler altså om, som den kloke legen og eminente forfatter og foredragsholder Ingvard Wilhelmsen skriver om sin siste bok, «å være konge i sitt eget liv». Det betyr at vi lytter til våre egne følelser og vår egen indre stemme før vi handler.
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